How to Talk With your partner about an unplanned pregnancy

1. Confirm Your Pregnancy Before the Conversation
Before talking with your partner, it’s important to confirm your pregnancy. Early signs, such as a late period, can have many different causes. We offer free, medical-grade pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to provide a reliable answer. Confirming your pregnancy and its viability will allow you to have a more meaningful conversation with your partner, avoiding unnecessary distress over uncertainty. Contact Us to schedule a pregnancy test and/or ultrasound.

2. Find the Right Time and Place
Pick a time when both you and your partner can sit down without any distractions.  Avoid bringing this up during a stressful time. The setting is equally important. Choose a comfortable, private environment where you can both speak openly and express your emotions without worrying about others overhearing.

3. Practice the Conversation
This type of conversation can be challenging, especially when emotions are running high. Practice what you plan to say with a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor. This can help you find the right words and ease your anxiety, giving you confidence before sharing the news. If you don’t have someone to practice with, even writing down what you want to say can help you feel more prepared.

4. Use Clear and Honest Communication
Tell him what you’re really feeling, complicated as it may be. Ask him to sit with you to talk about something important and personal. When it comes to sharing news like this, honesty is the best policy. Share your true feelings—whether they are of fear, hope, or uncertainty. Your partner deserves to know how you feel; this transparency will make it easier to work through the emotions together. You’re probably not the only one with complicated feelings. When you communicate with your partner about being pregnant, remember that this might not have been his plan either. Give him a chance to talk and listen without interrupting. You care about his perspective, and he needs to know that you do. It’s also important to avoid placing blame. Remember, this pregnancy involves both of you and focusing on finding solutions together is far more productive than assigning fault. 

5. Give Your Partner Space to React
Your partner might not know how to react at first, and that’s okay. Hold space for them, allowing time to process their emotions. Understand that the first reaction may not reflect their true feelings—it could simply be a response to the shock. Avoid pushing for immediate decisions. Both of you will need time to absorb this new information and decide what steps to take next. Give each other the grace to process emotions in your own time.

6. Talk About The Options You Both Have.
There are three main options to consider:

• Parenting: Think about becoming parents and what kind of support you might need.
• Adoption: Research adoption agencies and discuss whether this might be the right choice for you.
• Abortion: If you’re thinking about this option, learn about the process and any legal and medical considerations.

Whatever option you are considering, the Oxford Pregnancy Center is here to support you. You’re welcome to make a confidential free appointment  to confirm your pregnancy and discuss options.
 
7. Plan for the Future Together
After moving past the initial shock, it’s time to think about the future. But remember: take one step at a time. Discuss practical matters and your feelings about different options, whether it’s parenting, adoption, or any other possibilities. Making these decisions together is crucial, ensuring both partners’ voices are heard. If you find yourselves struggling to reach a consensus, seeking outside support can help you navigate this challenging terrain.

8. Invite Your Partner to Appointments
One way to help your partner feel involved is to invite them to a pregnancy-related appointment. We provide mentoring for both men and women. Free ultrasounds and pregnancy tests can help make the pregnancy feel more real for both of you. Sharing these experiences can strengthen your bond and foster more open conversations about your future together.

9. Reassure and Support Each Other
While navigating an unplanned pregnancy, taking care of yourselves and each other is important. Also, allow yourselves moments of joy. Even if the pregnancy wasn’t planned, it’s perfectly fine to feel excited. Encourage each other to celebrate the positives—such as thinking of baby names or imagining your future family. Focusing on these happy moments can provide strength during the more challenging times.

10. Seek Outside Support If Needed
It’s okay to ask for help. Pregnancy centers like The Oxford Pregnancy Center offer options for parenting classes and other support services to help couples navigate this journey. Contact Us for support. If communication becomes difficult or emotions are overwhelming, consider professional counseling to facilitate a supportive and open dialogue. The goal is to ensure both partners feel valued and heard throughout the process.